Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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