it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
