you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
