it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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