Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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