She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
