did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize