AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
