I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
