It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
