But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
