The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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