I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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