I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
