I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
