His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
