some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
