we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
