my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
