I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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