just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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