then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
