I can text with my tongue
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
