your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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