READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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