escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
