okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
