If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
