This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
