Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
