btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
