New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
