Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
