I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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