Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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