if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
