you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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