the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
