I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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