Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
