I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
