i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was confusing and full of hummus
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
