I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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