Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
