wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is Oprah even human
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
