dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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