the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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