So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
