So drunk its hurt
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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