Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
