Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
