This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
