im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
