Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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