True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
