fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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