I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
where does the pee come out of this thing
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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