i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
