just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
