I can't breathe out the right side of my face
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
