I could have mohawked her pubes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
