i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
