Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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