If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
