I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
cat food counts as protein by the way
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
