i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
