Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
