I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How naked do you want me to be?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
