I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize