I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
