I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
