It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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