So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
