yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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