I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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